But this shit right HERE!?!?

SMH x 1 TRILLION.

This is ignorant on a whole new level. Despite ALL the great emcees out on this planet, somebody had the AUDACITY to put “Hip-Hop’s Savior” over a tape featuring the Grand Poobah of Unicorn Tears, the WNBA of Sports, the Syrup-Bleeding Sultan, the Ambassador of Estrogen, Mr. Fancy Feast Femcee, the First Lady of Young Money, the Human Vegetarian Wrap, the Queen of Canada, the Teenybopper of Toronto, Lil’ Wayne’s personal Fonzworth Bentley: Drake.

You really mean to tell me this is the “Savior” of Hip-Hop?

Now I’m gonna be fair, none of the above pictures is the reason why Drake is wack, they’re just too great to not include.

This is the second time in my life I’ve given a Drake album/mixtape an entire spin, and every time it’s like whiney Canadian nails on a chalkboard. But listen, these first two tracks were as forgettable as the fact that you all forgot when Drake fell on stage and got carried off like he was Paul Pierce in the 2008 NBA Finals.

I really can’t believe he dropped this line though in the third track, “Zone”:

“If I’m in your starting 5, you will never need a sub/ And I’m never lookin’ down so I always know what’s uuuuuuuuup”

Drake, I’ll give you that one. You are the sum of 5 entire submissive men, and you really don’t need another at that point. The next line:

A picture won’t do me justice, league in this bitch, Imma do me, trust this”

Nah, that pretty much sums you up right there, playboy.

I’d say it’s right about here, that’s right, track 3, that he starts getting emotional on this tape:

“Okay, okay, I’m grown, I’m grown/ Party at my house, but I’m home, alone”

Realize too that this lyric is part of the HOOK. S. M. H.

This is also the beginning of the next 274 times you’re going to hear him use the phrase, “my ex-girl”.

Track 5 “Love & Gunz” is 0:50 long, but he drops a gem that I couldn’t ignore:

“Damn, another 20 missed calls/ I love her and I hate her, it’s a funny twist y’all/ Can’t stand it when she in town, but miss her when she gone/ Truth be told, I’d rather be with her than alone”

Y’all gonna really sit there and tell me that this couldn’t be the poetry written by a 16-year-old highschooler on her period? How many of you have had a girlfriend that destroyed you on the phone just to call back and hour later because she’s “emotional” and “doesn’t know what she wants”? Drake really writes lines like he’s the diplomat of all crazy broads out there. Come to think of it, every crazy broad I know loves Drake. This isn’t an accident. He’s plagiarizing his whole career out of depressed girl’s diary.

Track 6, “Bedrock Pt. 2 (Ft. Lil’ Wayne & Lloyd)” really tested my patience:

“Oooh, baby, I be stuck to you like glue, baby”

I know we’ve all heard this line before, but really Lloyd be stealin’ his lines from kids that still play on the jungle gym with these preschool rhymes. Have an entire seat.

Up next made me mad before I even heard it. This track is called “Scriptures”. See, this is what pisses me off. He thinks he’s so dope that his lyrics are of religious proportions. Problem is though, he’s got stans that think the same thing, and I hate a Drake stan more than Drake himself, let me explain…

Every rapper has the right to make music, good or bad. I mean, in all honesty, we need the Gucci Mane’s, the Waka Flocka’s, and the Soulja Boy’s to point to in order to show people how NOT to do it, and they’re gonna have their fans, if the didn’t, we wouldn’t know who they were. But stans are a whole new breed of ignorant. They live their whole life as if the word of these wack rappers is bond. They quote lyrics from these rappers and evolve how they live around it. They drank all the Kool-Aid, and when you suggest them a different drink that might be a little more healthy for them, they tell you that Kool-Aid has all the nutrients of orange juice, milk, a protein shake, and a balanced daily diet, all blended together. These rappers sell their soul to make it mainstream and make money, so you see where it comes from, not saying it’s right, but you can see. Stans don’t make single penny, but even worse, they SUPPORT it. They’re on the whole wrong end of the equation.

Okay, back to this abortion of a mixtape.

Track 8, “Where Were You (Ft. Colin Munroe)” is just him going on about his “ex-girl” again.

When will Drake learn that we all know this happens. When people blow up, the ex’s always come back. This ain’t rocket science. Was he really inspired so deeply with this foreign idea of his ex’s hitting him up now that he’s big? These Canadians…

Finally, on track 10, “Believe It Or Not” he gets a feature with somebody on his lyrical level. Insert Gucci Mane. He even made a shout-out to ME:

“Young Money forever, I bet Gutta, Jae and Mac agree/ Fuck you to the haters that just spend their time attackin’ me”

Drake hears the criticism. I know for a fact he hears it. So he ain’t got a problem dropping a generic “fuck you”, but when a seasoned veteran like Common, who’s been in this game for 20 years calls him out by name, he disappears faster than Kleenax’s when Kanye is going through his scrapbook of him and Amber Rose. But Drake stayed true to form and kept it 100 by stayin’ Charmin soft and keeping his mouth shut.

A lot of these tracks I straight skipped because they were 30 second snippets and ain’t even gonna justify those.

Now if you’re a Drake aficionado, you’re probably saying, “All these songs are old af!”

But more importantly, if you’re a Drake aficionado you shoulda off’d yourself minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, perhaps even years ago, so the fact that you’re even reading this right now is a fluke, an error, a flaw, a mistake, if you will.

Now when I say Drake has been killing the game his whole career, I mean it quite literally, he’s been making the genre of Hip-Hop die, his WHOLE career. Just look at who fathered this clown:

Can you even imagine what kind of rapper Drake would nurture into the game? He’d be the first one to announce he was signing a 3-legged kitten he found at the animal shelter after watching one of those abused puppy dog commercials.

Anyway, I’m done with this tape. Whoever put the word “Savior” over a Drake tape should reconsider his life and take long look into his mascara-laced eyes and find a person that deserves to walk around in society with the rest of us.

I’m done.

I just want to give you a minute to let the name of this mixtape just sink it.

Stoopid.

Fruity.

Swag.

2.

This would lead me to believe that there is a Stoopid Fruity Swag Vol. 1 and OJ thought to himself, “Man, Stoopid Fruity Swag was too nice, the people need more.”

The only thing I take away from this cover is that clearly OJ is the undeniable champion of all things breakfast food. How does this man not have his own cereal yet? Kellogs needs to eff with OJ. Tell me you wouldn’t buy this cereal.

Anyway, OJ is here in Wal-Mart, clearly just picking up a couple crates of oranges. Nothing out of the ordinary. Not really sure why he felt like he needed to bring all that money, I mean, it’s just Wal-Mart, but you do you OJ. I guess OJ is all about Fruity Pebbles and just had to get his fix in the middle of the cereal isle and proceeded to pour himself a bowl of cereal, along with just pouring an out an uncountable amount of family size boxes of Fruity Pebbles all over the floor. He’s not eating it. It’s just there. And look at his hands pointing down at the cereal on the floor, as if he’s like, “Yeah. I did this.”

No effs to give. Fresh out.

But then again, if you saw this man crazily opening up boxes of Fruity Pebbles and pouring them out on the floor, are you going to be the one to try to stop him?

I didn’t think so.

Also, the idea of guns in Wal-Mart doesn’t seem too foreign, but those females?

Girl, why are you wearing that dress in Wal-Mart? Who you tryna impress? And I see your fine female friend here is sitting on the floor. This ain’t Sam’s Club. This ain’t exclusive. They let EVERYBODY in here. Get off that dirty floor and go wash ya self.

And you know what? I’m not even gonna try an get down to the bottom of how OJ got not one, but TWO vehicles inside of Wal-Mart.

I heard you like high-pitch “AYE! AYE! AYE! AYE!”s in your rap music. So I brought you this mixtape.

That’s all it is. Now usually when rappers have those back vocals the DJ will turn it down to about half the volume of the lyrics. Usually. But OJ is not your usual rapper. To a lyrical genius like OJ, he knows that his lyrics are only rivaled by his “AYE!”s and “OKAY!”s.

Let me give you some examples:

“Workin’ on this cell phone, movin’ like keys, huh/ Red and white Charger, lookin’ like Pizza Hut”

“Hop up out the whip and I’m lookin’ like a Canadian/ Black and white chain though, lookin’ like a river”

I’m walkin’ up with them bags, yes keep them bags, walkin’ through the mall and I’m walkin’ out with bags”

I can’t be more serious when I say that OJ Da Juiceman has a song that is 1:50 long, and it is entirely about bags.

Just bags.

I get that he’s saying that he shops a lot, but he’s not talking about what he buys. Just that he has bags. Bags. Bags. Bags. That’s the song. Bags.

I’m also not joking when I tell you the following track is called “Burr Beer”.

I just…can’t.

I swear OJ Da Juiceman’s flow in “Shawt Bus Shawty” is better than this tape.

“You got that Stoopid Fruity Swag, shawty!”

 

After listening to this tape I only had one thought.

 

But in all seriousness, may God have mercy on OJ’s soul.

Well, it appears our friend Chinx Drungz is in a bit of a jam in this cover.

There really is a lot going on in this cover, so let’s break it down piece-by-piece.

For the 3rd straight day, without even trying, we have the neck piece front and center, because how can you be a rapper, or much less even a man, if you don’t have thousands of dollars in jewelry on?

Anyway, how exactly did he get into this predicament? There are mountains of cocaine that look like they have fallen out of the back of his coke van maybe? I’m guessing at that point some concerned person in the neighborhood was probably a bit alarmed and proceeded to call the police. At sometime between when these 5 foot piles of cocaine have fallen from this van, his vehicle was shot up, perhaps causing the death of this most likely stand up citizen has who we see dead in the bottom right corner.

Was he going after the large bag of money with a gun in it? Was he just walking by? We’ll never know, but more importantly, why has nobody called the fire department?  There are clearly explosions everywhere and fire behind this man’s van. Is cocaine flammable? I did a little research, by which I mean I google searched and clicked the first link I found. As it turns out, cocaine is “very flammable and volatile”.

So basically, he’s standing in powder keg of coke surrounded by flames and gun fire, yet he thought this would be a good time for a photo op. Has he not noticed the helicopter overhead looking for him and his ski-masked goons? Also, from my extensive gameplay of Grand Theft Auto, I know that you don’t usually have a helicopter after you unless you have multiple police cars after you as well. Where are the other policemen? Are they dealing with what seems to be a street riot in the background behind the cop car?

Side question, why is there a dude on top of the van going out Malibu’s Most Wanted style?

And are we supposed to believe that a man with this much cocaine wears cardigans? C’mon son. I wear cardigans.

So the actual mixtape, as I’m sure you guessed, is all about slingin’ yay, killing people, and making money. Essentially everything you’ve ever heard ever.

All the lyrics in this tape are played out, and the only rapper you’ll recognize is French Montana, and just like every other time you hear from him, he’s disappointing.

After the intro, the first joint “Had It All (Ft. French Montana)” samples Adele’s “Rolling In The Deep” and is really dope until about 20 seconds into the track when you hear the quintessential DJ drop say, “If you don’t fuck with Evil Empire, well then, you’re just a bitch-ass trick.”

Also probably didn’t need track 8 named “Smoke Break”, which is just 10 seconds of the DJ takin’ a hit and saying, “Pardon the interruption with this little smoke break, it’s *cough cough* Evil Empire.” But this “Smoke Break” skit wasn’t nearly as bad as “Coke Boy Skit” which uses the “N” word with the hard “R” at the end 17 times, which just sounds really awkward.

I will say the DJ does a pretty good job with the samples he uses and those are his best instrumentals, it’s just unfortunate they are laced with lyrics like, “Early mornin’ stretch, tryna touch the ceilin’/ I’m all about this bread, muh fuck ya’ feelin’s.”

“How It Goes (Ft. Gutta Millz & Rico)” has a sick sample of MJ’s “Dirty Diana”, but once again is ruined by the hook which sums up the entire idea of the tape, “Money, cars, cribs, hoes….hooooooooold up, that’s how it goes.”

Overall, this tape was less interesting to me than either the Waka or Gucci tape I’ve reviewed already, they at least made you want to get buck.

I’m guessing I’ve never heard of Chinx Drugz because he gets slept on, but that’s probably because his music will put you to sleep.

Okay. Where do I start with this one?

My first question is why is he supposed to be in University of Minnesota basketball arena?

Lebron is from Cleveland. He didn’t go to Minnesota for college ball, because he didn’t even go to college. I know for a FACT that Gucci didn’t go to college and he’s FROM Alabama, so this already makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Secondly, let me point out that I see rappers just refuse to be Photoshopped into a picture if they can’t have their neck pieces in the picture too. Smh.

Maybe the most unfortunate part of this cover is that we don’t even get the entertainment of checking out Gucci’s “BRRRR” ice cream cone face tat. Since that tattoo really would have been the sprinkles on the dessert that is this mixtape cover, I couldn’t lead you here without showing you a couple horrible face tats of Mike Tyson proportions.

But this definitely beats Tyson’s face ink without question, so the REAL question is, which one of these are worse…

This ^^^^^^^^^^^

Or….

This ^^^^^^^^

Smh. How can you be a big enough Gucci stan to have electric ice cream forever inked on your mug? The sad thing is that this girl here might have been someone you would be lookin’ at in the club, if it weren’t for the fact that she has made the worst decision of her life on her face for everyone to forever see. You mean to tell me you’re gonna have kids some day, obviously out of wedlock because nobody is holdin’ that down for life, and you expect them to listen to the advice you give them as a parent?

“You got a D+ on your test? Go to your room and study!”

“Get off my nuts, Mom, you have ice cream tatted on your face…”

Not really anywhere to go from there at that point.

Now back to this mixtape.

This is your typical Gucci Mane mixtape. There really is nothing to be said about these tracks, but let me try.

Here are a couple lines from throughout the tape to give you an idea of his lyrical prowess as an “emcee”.

“She lookin’ at them rims when I whipped up/ All that ass, she should work at a scrip club”

My money taller than Bill Cartwright/ I’m rockin’ Michael Jordan’s, but I think I’m Mike & Ike”

“Say I get alotta cut, brought the knife to the party/ And I’m feelin’ on her butt all night in the party”

“Sayin’ Gucci ain’t the shit, you an idiot/ Like a paralyzed man, I ain’t feelin’ it”

I guess you can call me an idiot then.

I’m always tryna stay positive, so I’ll let you in on the only song worth listening to. Now the track “Party (Ft. Beyonce)” kicks off with Kanye dropping a line which just gets repeated and then goes directly to Gucci. Unfortunately this song is the shortest and only 1:48, but fortunately that means you only hear Gucci’s nasal congested voice for only 33 seconds (yes, I counted). Beyonce picks it up for the rest of the song with her rendition of Keith Sweat’s line, “You may be young but you’re ready, ready to love”, which in my opinion sounds like a rape line, but who am I? Anyway, Bey is Bey and saves the track from 33 seconds of terrible Gucci rap and makes this track tolerable coupled with the nice R&B/Funk instrumental.

So there it is. Gucci makes a good showing with this one, and you can rest assured that his appearance on Ignorant Mixtape Covers Of The Day will continue to impress, or rather, disappoint, in the future.

Image

As a fan of both Star Wars and Hip-Hop, this is a smack in the face to both. But I guess I can’t expect much more from Waka. Ignorant is his middle name. Now it’s not that the work by the artist here is bad, per say, BUT anybody with enough Photoshop skills to be able to pull this monstrosity off should have had enough sense to say, “You want me to WHAT?!”

We have some of the best characters from Star Wars here, with the exception of the ambiguously gay duo of C-3PO and R2-D2 (mostly C-3PO), and Waka with his Kel from Good Burger locks. Smh.

Image

And they just HAD to throw Waka’s Fozzie Bear neck piece on the cover? Really?

This mixtape boasts original track names such as “Mobbin’ (Ft. Maino)”, “Lurkin’ (Ft. Plies)”, “Murda (Ft. Bo Deal & Chief Keef)” and “No More Fake Daps (Ft. Haitian Fresh & Trae Tha Truth)”. As you can clearly see, Waka is really dealing with some really deep issues on this one. He did get some pretty big names on this tape, if you’re into this kinda rap, such as Maino, Plies, Meek Mill, Trey Songz, Jadakiss, French Montana, Birdman, Yelawolf, 8-Ball, Gucci Mayne, Big K.R.I.T., and Juicy J. With all those artists being mentioned, don’t let the line-up fool you. Most the tracks pretty much go from one to the other and you barely notice any difference, as most every track is laced with “BRIIIIIIIIIIIICK SQUAAAAAAAAAAAD” all over the back vocals. This is still as mediocre as any true Hip-Hop fan would guess from the cover.

The only bright spot, if you can call it that, in the entire mixtape is the instrumental of “Lights Down Low” which features Bei Meajor (who’s familiarity to me is equaled only to my ability to correctly say his name. No idea.). You may recognize this beat as the music that goes extra hard in the Celtics’ NBA BIG commercial. Unfortunately, the vocals on this track are about as sad as the squad represented with this beat in their commercial.

Now I’m gonna give a free pass to anybody who has “Hard In Da Paint” in their iPod, because that joint gets everybody hyphy, but the rest of Waka’s catalog is straight doo-doo. Non-sensical screaming, of mostly his name, and other overused rap idioms that quite frankly, we could all do without. The best thing he ever did for Hip-Hop was retiring, but nonetheless, here he is, finding a way to disgrace a storied cinematic franchise.

“Reckless he is. Matters are worse.” – Yoda, Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back 

If that doesn’t sum up Waka’s career and this mixtape cover, I don’t know what does.

Aside  —  Posted: June 1, 2012 in Ignorant Mixtape Covers
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